Ousting the Root

What I am about to share is a personal testimony.
It's a work that Jesus has done in my own heart.
But, I'm no one special, and am no more pursued by God than you....
So, bear with me, as this post turned out rather lengthy....

Remember beginning of May I asked you to pray
as I sought the face of the Father?
Asking Him to reveal what He wanted to show me.

Well, the first day into my week of intentionally seeking Him,
He showed me that I was full of bitterness.

I think back as to how I came to find that out....
I was listening to a message on bitterness..
He spoke of  bitterness and the stages of it, as spoke of in Ephesians 4:31.

Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, 

and clamor, and evil speaking, 

be put away from you, with all malice:

Spoke of the stages being wrath,(sudden outbursts of anger) 

wrath leads to anger (settled, continuous anger),

 anger leads to clamor (violent arguments)

clamor leads to evil speaking ( biting words)

evil speaking leads to malice(inner hatred of the heart)

I started thinking..Although not all were present in my heart,

too many of them were to leave me feeling comfortable..

The message went on with the evidences of bitterness,

1) critical attitude

2) insensitive to others

3) ungrateful for what others do for you

4) revenge--seeking to get even with others

5) mistrust of people

6) depression

And as each evidence came up on the screen, I realized I had all the evidences of bitterness.

Some to a lesser degree than others, but all of them..

Bitterness is like a root, spreading its strength down and inward.

Too often we hack away at the base of the 'weed' that we see,

but never dig down to oust the whole root.

Before I can get to the expanse of that root, though, 
I must realize what bitterness comes from.

So much moved from my head to my heart that week, 
and I realize again, how 

God is longing to show me my need. 
If I can but step aside and, 

with willing heart, have Him teach me.

Bitterness is a result of unforgiveness.

Holding onto the hurts, the shame, the pain and disappointments that were a part of my life. 

Thing is, I thought I had forgiven those people in my past 
who hurt me.

I realized that with every sin, someone pays..

With every offense, someone is going to pay..

With every abuse, someone will pay..

Either the abuser, or the recipient.

With some sins, such as stealing a bicycle, 
the perpetrator can actually pay.

He can say "I stole your bicycle 2 years ago, 
here is $300 to buy another one".

Not so with so many other sins.

When someone abuses you emotionally, 
or when someone steals your innocence, 

there is no way that person can ever pay for what they did.

But someone needs to pay.

And, I realized that I needed to pay for the rejection, the abuse.  
I had to feel the pain again..

I had to say, "I'm willing to pay for this pain, 
and the consequences that has come from this person."

And, I walked through a painful several days 
of feeling the pain again,

each one individually, and taking it to the cross of Jesus, 
having Him heal the bruises, and the tears,

and taking back the ground that I gave to the enemy 
through my bitterness...

When I set those people free, said they didn't owe me anything,

an amazing thing happened.

I was freed myself!!

What I didn't expect  was the dramatic effect 
that lack of bitterness would have on my life.

What I thought to be 'normal' before, was healed, unexpectedly.

And for the first several weeks, as I went about my routine,

just caring for my children and 'doing my thing', 

I would just have to pause and allow the tears
to roll down my cheeks, in thanksgiving to Jesus...

as, one after the other,  totally new responses flowed from me.

It's been a month now, the best one in my life...

Though not the easiest.

The enemy has been relentless for retrieval of the ground he lost.

But God has proven Himself stronger.

And I am left in awe.


God didn't create us  in a way that we can function properly
while carrying ugly baggage and bitterness from our past.
He longs for us to give it to Him.
That is what He died for.  He longs to free us.

And I sing,

My chains are gone, I've been set free, 

My God, my Savior has ransomed me.

And like a flood His mercy reigns,

Unending love, amazing grace.

Thank you and praise be to You alone, Jesus....

I do not know for whom I am writing this.
Jesus Himself has laid this on my heart.
If it's you, who He is longing to heal,
Ask Him right now to shine His light on your pathway.
Trust your hand into His, and allow Him
to show you ALL He wants to show you.

For the rest of you,
I encourage you to do the same...
What a precious, precious thing it is to have an
intimate relationship with Jesus...
To be loved, cared for, and led by HIM...

May Jesus really bless you today.....